Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

One day, on tearing off some old bark, I saw two rare beetles, and seized one in each hand. Then I saw a third and new kind, which I could not bear to lose, so I popped the one which I held in my right hand into my mouth. Alas! it ejected some intensely acrid fluid, which burnt my tongue so that I was forced to spit the beetle out, which was lost, as was the third one.

I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying; and for this reason; I can never be satisfied with any one who would be blockhead enough to have me.

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Tomorrow never happens. It's all the same fucking day, man.