I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying; and for this reason; I can never be satisfied with any one who would be blockhead enough to have me.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.