I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying; and for this reason; I can never be satisfied with any one who would be blockhead enough to have me.

I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.