God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?

I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.