When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you, mine are still greater.

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

When it comes to gossip, I have to readily admit men are as guilty as women.