When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you, mine are still greater.

When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laughing again.

I usually eat four or five raw carrots with my meat, and that is all. I must be part rabbit; I never get bored with raw carrots.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.

I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.