The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.