Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

Voting for Trump is like asking me to drive a car.