Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.

When it comes to gossip, I have to readily admit men are as guilty as women.

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.