Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

I usually eat four or five raw carrots with my meat, and that is all. I must be part rabbit; I never get bored with raw carrots.

I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any.

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?

When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laughing again.