Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

I usually eat four or five raw carrots with my meat, and that is all. I must be part rabbit; I never get bored with raw carrots.

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?

I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.

When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laughing again.

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.