"I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday." I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.

A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laughing again.

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.