A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laughing again.

"I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday." I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.