Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.