If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.

The way to deal with worldly people is to frighten them by repeating their scandalous whisperings aloud.