The way to deal with worldly people is to frighten them by repeating their scandalous whisperings aloud.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled.