Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled.

The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.