I neither want it [brandy] nor need it, but I should think it pretty hazardous to interfere with the ineradicable habit of a lifetime.

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum.