Quotes By Mark Twain

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four days.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

The man with a new idea is a Crank until the idea succeeds.

The Bible: It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.