It is a very fine thing to refuse an invitation, but it is a good thing to wait till you get it first.

"I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday." I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

A joke is a very serious thing.

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.