Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four days.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.