Bewildered, bewildered, you have no complaint. You are what you are, and you ain't what you ain't.

Gluttony, do not eat thy neighbor's wife's popcorn.

There's no 'dumb-ass' vaccine.

Therapy is extremely expensive. Popping bubble wrap is radically cheap.

Good evening everybody, my name is Robbie Williams, this is my band and for the next two hours YOUR ASS IS MINE!

I asked the guy who made the sound effects for the radio shows how he got the sound of the electric chair and he said it was bacon sizzling. What about broken bones? The guy took out a LifeSaver and crushed it between his teeth.