We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "confidential" or "classified".

In life, we weep at the thought of death. In death, perhaps we weep at the thought of life.

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.