Donald Trump is the president. It's not a bad dream. It really happened. It's like being dumped by a lover and also being stuck in a nightmare.

I'm not Beethoven!

Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. May not one lost soul be permitted to abstain?

I hate pockets in trousers ... By the way, I do not wear a hose. My hose is my own. No coke bottle, nothing stuffed down there.

You know something? There's been a lot of rumors lately about a certain band called Queen. The rumors are that... The rumors are that we're gonna split up. What do you think? [audience replies "No!"] [Pointing to his posterior] They're talking from here!

If I didn't do this well, I just wouldn't have anything to do... I can't cook, and I'd be a terrible housewife.