My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.

Oh, I was not made for heaven. No, I don't want to go to heaven. Hell is much better. Think of all the interesting people you're going to meet down there.

People, whether they know it or not, like their blues singers miserable. They like their blues singers to die afterwards.

If there's a heaven for me, I'm sure it has a beach attached.

If you want to get your soul to heaven, trust in me. Don't judge or question. You are broken now, but faith can heal you. Just do everything I tell you to do.

He whose son is obedient to him, whose wife's conduct is in accordance with his wishes, and who is content with his riches has his heaven here on earth.