A man's best friend is a good wife.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Not to sink under being man and wife,But get some color and music out of life?

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.

I hope we're a nice old couple living off the coast of Ireland or something like that-looking at our scrapbook of madness.

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.