Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from very successful businessman to top TV star to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius . . .and a very stable genius at that!

This is the epitaph I want on my tomb: Here lies one of the most intelligent animals who ever appeared on the face of the earth.

Why is thought being a secretion of brain, more wonderful than gravity a property of matter? It is our arrogance, our admiration of ourselves.

We have the same genes, we're smart people... We're like racehorses, too. You know, the fast ones produce the fast ones, and the slow ones - doesn't work out so well.

Man in his arrogance thinks himself a great work, worthy of the interposition of a deity. More humble, and I believe truer, to consider him created from animals.

Obama, you're fired.