Is there a God or not?" "Is God good or not?" "Does he love me or not?" "Is God all powerful or not?" "Am I a blessing or a burden?" "Am I alone or is he with me?" And all of these questions were rooted in this one: "Do I have a heavenly Father or am I an orphan?
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But God helped me understand that his heart breaks when we hurt. He helped me see his compassion and lovingkindness. He also revealed to me that he is a roaring lion of a Father who wants to end our brokenness. In fact, he became broken himself in order for us to become whole and healed and well.
My orphan heart thought love was to complete someone else and to be completed by them. I didn't understand that when two people who aren't whole try to complete each other they both end up with less than when they started. I didn't understand that the only one who can make a person whole is God.
When I was alone and had nothing, I asked for a friend to help me bear the pain. No one came, except God. When I needed a breath to rise from my sleep, no one could help me, except God. When all I saw was sadness and I needed answers, no one heard me, except God. So when I'm asked who I give my unconditional love to? I look for no other name, except God.
I am nothing; I am but an instrument, a tiny pencil in the hands of the Lord with which He writes what he likes. However imperfect we are, he writes beautifully.
Man can't do without God. Just like you're thirsty, you have to drink water. You just can't go without God.
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